RIP Journalism- You Will Be Missed

Here lies Journalism (1600s-2019). Slowly bludgeoned to death by enemies of the freedom of the press- the coup de grace delivered by idiotic clickbait headlines. Sweet dreams, sweet prince. May the angels guide you to your eternal slumber and perhaps also show you the secret behind the ONE WEIRD TRICK.

bad clickbait death of journalism
I refuse to click on headlines such as these.
I’m only interested in what child stars of yesteryear look like today.

How Else Was He Supposed to Test It?

free iq test
Ba dum tss!

This is exactly why I had my now ex-wife test out my own boobytrap version of Homer Simpson’s ‘makeup shotgun’… May she rest in peace…

Click for more #real #reactions to #terrible #headlines. Up next, I rank the top 10 boobytrap fails.

Happy 10th Anniversary Black Dynamite!

Black Dynamite (2009) is one of my favourite films of all time. Seriously. It is a wonderful film; a great satire; and an homage to classic Blaxploitation cinema. Also, it’s just plain stupid (in a good, smart way.)

black dynamite dvd
A prized possession. DO NOT STEAL.

It has now been 10 years since the first time I saw this movie. It was right before I started my second year of university. In honour of the film’s 10 year anniversary, I just wanted to reflect on what makes Black Dynamite so special. At least to me.

First of all, I only had a passing knowledge of Blaxploitation cinema when I first saw the movie. I did not know the source material that Black Dynamite was parodying and satirizing. I am, and have always been, a very white man after all. Even without prior knowledge of its influences, this movie is the right kind of stupid that is a fit for anyone who considers themself a comedy fan.

“I’m sorry.”

With the recent release of Dolemite is My Name (a great movie in its own regard), there has been a renewed interest in Rudy Ray Moore and his wealth of work. Black Dynamite clearly showcases its reverence for Dolemite and Rudy Ray Moore in terms of the film’s characters (I’m looking at you Bullhorn), the acting, deliberately bad production, and so on. Before Black Dynamite, the only references to Dolemite I knew were from rap songs and MadTV sketches. Nowadays, having and understanding of the reference material, I have a greater respect for both Dolemite and Black Dynamite.

In addition to being a loving send-up of blaxploitation epics, Black Dynamite is such a memorable movie for me because of the cast. Michael Jai White is immensely hilarious as the titular Black Dynamite, but the whole supporting cast all do their best to make the movie endlessly quotable. Here’s some proof:

There are plenty more reasons why this movie is great (kung fu fighting, sweet music, use of stock footage, etc.), but you really just need to see it for yourself. I hope the rumours I hear about a sequel are true because I need more of it, and the animated series left me wanting. I don’t think the film is streaming anywhere, so buy a copy for cheap and enjoy. Just know that this movie is rated R.

Finally, I made sure to not post the best scenes from the movie, but here’s one last video:

Wait, wait, wait, I forgot to mention that this movie is very sexy and sensual. How could I resist this one last gem:

Rap Videos Out of Context 5

I will keep doing this for as long as I can go before the prison guards find the Blackberry I’m using to post these.

For this installment, here’s one of my favourite (clean) songs from the Texas rap pioneers, UGK.

“I used to be the playa, now I’m gettin’ pimped”

First here are the gifs:

ugk gif pimp c
The one weird trick…
ugk gif
Picnics ain’t for pimp-nics…
ugk gif
Doctor, I’m haunted by booty wherever I go.

And here are the mp4s:

RIP Pimp C.

So You’re a Centrist: The Uncanny Experience of Being a Useless, God-Awful Fence-Sitter

It’s election season in Canada and CBC’s Vote Compass is a pretty good tool for Canadians to see with which national political party their own political values most align.

For Canadians such as myself, the results are somewhat inconclusive. Sure, I may be closest to the Liberal Party, but I’m also pretty close to the overall political centre.

political centrist
Centrism: for when everyone is terrible. Especially you yourself.

But, apparently, somehow, for some reason, I most agree with the Bloc Quebecois (BC)… Makes sense.

my politics
Ça craint, non?

No one likes a centrist. You get nowhere in life sitting on a fence. You just end up with a sore ass and zero friends.

End of Summer Means More Type O Negative

Today is the last day of summer. That can only mean one thing- it’s the last day we are legally allowed to listen to Type O Negative’s cover of ‘Summer Breeze.’ But, guess what? I’m still gonna listen to it in autumn, winter, and spring because I’m a rebel.

Also, it’s almost that time of year when October Rust gets played incessantly. RIP Peter Steele.