Here lies Journalism (1600s-2019). Slowly bludgeoned to death by enemies of the freedom of the press- the coup de grace delivered by idiotic clickbait headlines. Sweet dreams, sweet prince. May the angels guide you to your eternal slumber and perhaps also show you the secret behind the ONE WEIRD TRICK.
I’m no fan of Scheer. Neither are these undecided Canadian voters either it seems:
Join me for my ongoing coverage of the 2019 Federal Election. There will be more equal opportunity shade thrown at the other federal candidates very soon, but this (totally not a photoshop) has been sitting in my Google Drive for almost a week and had to be set free.
Here’s the actual article for honesty’s sake.
I really doubt that there’s ever been any other headline in history that I was less interested in clicking on than this one. Uggh. Gross (shivers.)
Nu Metal has long been the much-lambasted, ugly child of two of my favourite genres of music. It’s like a bastard child of rap and metal, since both were smart enough to realize that they did not want to be its parents and duly abandoned the abomination.
Similarly, Rap Rock was like the cool uncle who tried to guide New Metal into becoming a productive member of society, but ultimately failed. In all honesty, Rap Rock was a pretty cool dude who made some pretty decent music.
Enough of a bad metaphor. Who’s really to blame for New Metal and Rap Rock? Sure, the easy ones to blame would be Run DMC and Aerosmith (1986) and the Beastie Boys (1986). You could also blame LL Cool J, Tone-Loc, or even Anthrax and Public Enemy (1991).
Not me though, I blame the apparently self-knighted Sir Mix-A-Lot. In 1988, Sir Mix-A-Lot released Swass– a pretty good album. On this album, there is a song called “Iron Man” where Sir Mix-A-Lot raps over the iconic Black Sabbath riff. Someone had to do it, and it is done pretty well:
There are some clever lyrics throughout the song, with many references to how he is the “Iron Man” of rap, and to how he dislikes “fake metal”. Not only is Sir Mix-A-Lot a rap pioneer, but also an early example of a metal elitist/hipster.
Not only can we blame (actually I really do mean praise) Sir Mix-A-Lot for society’s ongoing obsession with big butts, I truly believe that we can also blame him for bad Rap Rock and Nu Metal. Thanks a lot Sir Mix-A-Lot.
Here are some hastily thought of jokes about this headline:
- 1- “Excuse me, sirs, but you must think I’m pretty stupid. What you are trying to sell me is clearly a previously-used butt.”;
- 2- And I’ve been throwing away all these diseased body parts like some kind of sucker;
- 3- Actually, reading the story, these guys are really scummy and what they did is not something to joke about. However, they sold me my stupid brain that lacks good taste and self-restraint so I cannot stop now;
- 4- “Come on down to Donald and Son’s Discount Body Shop. Our prices are so cheap, you’d think our products were diseased! Cheap Spleens? No Problem! Affordable Livers? Yup! Hearts, brains, eyes, arms, legs? We’ve got it all!”*
*Body parts are in fact diseased and unfit for sale and/or research;
- 5- You’ll be happy to know that their father-son time will continue on in federal prison;
- 6- I’d write some more jokes, but the fingers they sold me are starting to fall apart as I type.