I, Milan Ciganovic, do solemnly swear that I personally do not collect or store any private information from any visitors to this website. Although my security software says there are between seven and thirty-seven attempts to gather data each time my website is visited, I promise that I am not personally collecting any of said data. Honestly, this has little do do with any moral stance. This is more so due to my complete incompetence with such matters. As such, I cannot promise that if I somehow got a hold of any of your personal information, I would not sell it to the highest bidder. By visiting my website, you agree to not blame me for any misuse of your personal information.
On an unrelated note, if you are a Chinese government agent, a big data analytics firm, or a state-sponsored Russian internet troll, please contact me as soon as possible.
– Milan Ciganovic, a trustworthy guy